Marching to the beat of a different drum

In light of the recent Miley Cyrus scandalous vs artistic performance at the MTV VMA 2013, I feel I must apologize for my judgement of Miley.  It isn't my place to judge anyone, and I apologize to anyone I might have offended including Ms. Cyrus.

I didn't even watch the performance, but found it on youtube when I started seeing the shocking posts, and comments.  Why did I do that?

Conservative Christian

My views are that of a Conservative Christian; however, I'm more moderate to strictly conservative.  My thinking is forged through Biblical teachings, and conservative world views.  I'm not going to apologize for that.  However, I think, there are times that weighing in on a subject may change the way one feels on a particular issue.

Yesterday, someone, who is also a Christian, stated that there was so much shock and judgement of the performance being posted, that instead, prayers for the performer should be going up by those of us who feel it was distasteful.  That is so true.

I tried to take a moderate stance today, looking at it from an art angle rather than conservative angle, and my online nemesis, via a mutual friend, was right there to make sure I knew what I had done.  Thank you for pointing the finger, and calling my attention to my judgement.

Debate

There are pros and cons to everything life can throw at you.  That is a good thing.  Part of the growing process is finding where you fit into the world, and making the greatest impact you can for the betterment of society.

When I was a teenager, I had a notebook that I would write an issue at the top of a page, and make lists in a pro and con column.  This helped me develop my personality, ideals, and beliefs.  As I have grown, I have taken a different stance on somethings.

Some may think for the better, whilst others may think for the worse.  That's okay, but it's the way I think. My biggest changes? sinner to a sinner saved by grace.

If we all were supposed to be the same, there would be no life in living.  It would be dull and mundane.

I try to find good in people of all race, creed, religion, sex, and gender.  I'm an eternal optimist who seeks out good.  Often times, I'm naive to bad which has gotten me into troublesome spots.

Respect

I try to offer my respect to all people: the poor, those with different beliefs, those who are of another race, credit, national origin, sex, and gender until someone does something to make me change my mind.  That's okay.  I can be kind, and not hold respect. I can treat people with dignity and not hold respect.

I no longer hold any respect for Ms. Cyrus, but I can be dignified, and not spread gossip, or aid in fueling the fire of scandalous debate.

Edifying

My faith adheres to edifying others and treating others the way you want to be treated.  A finger was pointed at me this morning, and I didn't like it.  Just like I pointed fingers at Ms. Cyrus.  I'm truly sorry for failing to be Christ-like.

This post on Facebook yesterday is the best example of how I feel, yet was unable to express.  Facebook is a good thing when used correctly, but can be harmful when used carelessly.

http://iamrihanna.wordpress.com/2013/08/26/dear-miley/

Two steps forward, one step back

My attention has been shifted to the need to pray more, to withhold judgement of others, or better yet, to recognize the catalysts which create these judgements.

Lately, I've been praying for this organization out of Savannah, Georgia.  They are fighting intercity crises that poverty, gangs, homelessness, unemployment, and lack of education fester.

https://www.facebook.com/thedreamcampaign

Another of my Facebook friends made the comment that, "it would be great if this organization got the attention Miley Cyrus was generating."  That is so true.  I (embarrassingly confesses) fueled that attention.

Lord, please forgive me.  Although, I still don't agree with her actions.  I need to continue to keep my mind focused on what is good; being a light in the darkness of the world, and helping those who can't help themselves.


PS:  "What to my wandering eyes do appear? The front of yahoo, it's Miley's derriere."  Good grief!

Mother-n-love, or Monster-n-law: How does your mother-n-law rate?

More often that not, the word mother-n-law conjures up a host of negative emotions.  Jane Fonda's infamous role as mother-n-law in the movie, "Monster-n-law" is an extreme example of what NOT to do to gain your child's future spouse's respect and approval.  

Having just experienced the 5th year without my mother, and ex mother-n-law at Mother's day, and their birthdays, which are three days apart, and the same week as mother's day, I was feeling a bit overwhelmed and decided to share.

After many years of conversation with my dear mother, I recall her wonderful memories of life with her mother-n-law, my grandmother.  My grandmother, Lillie, had two sons, so she was extremely pleased when her boys got married, for she truly loved her daughter's-n-law.  And, as an extra blessing, I was born, the first grandchild and a girl to boot!  I, too, had such a wonderful mother-n-law experience.

Janice was sitting at the kitchen table at "her spot", and talking on the phone when I realized I had a friend for life.  The conversation in progress was with her ex son-n-law, Ricky.  "Her Spot" was strategially chosen so she could view her entire kingdom from her seat.  The kitchen, living room, front and back doors, front and back yards and garden were all visible with just a turn of the head.  "Her spot" was the envy of everyone because of its ideal location at the kitchen table.  The buffet directly behind her seat held everything she needed including her medicine case, her deck of cards for Canasta, dominos, note pads, pencils, and other daily necessities.  

"Her spot" provided many wondeful meal time memories, good food, conversation, crafting, and entertainment.  From nearly anywhere in the house, Nana Jan could be seen in "her spot"  She was a monument for stability, and my mentor.  

Quite photogenic, her vivacious spirit, charismatic nature, and pixie-esque quality charmed most everyone she met. NanaJan, we love you and miss you!

Horror Stories 

I've heard actual horror stories about mother's-n-law in my social circle. One horrible example was the case of the Christmas Stocking.  Ally, I'll call her, was married into a family that was like trying to breach an inner-sanctum.  All co-dependent, her spouse, sister-n-law, and mother-n-law wouldn't let her in.  It was so bad, everyone, but Ally, had a Christmas stocking at her mother-n-laws home.  According to Ally, she had tried everything to no avail, and eventually, the marriage crumbled.

Beth, another anonymous friend, is in a situation where the siblings are not close, so the in-laws aren't either.  And, the mother has Alzheimer's Disease.  She feels lonely and detached from her husband's family and most of her own family is deceased.

A Mother and Her Child

One truly can not appreciate the love a mother has for her child until she experiences it for herself.  That emotional bond is so strong that a mother would die for her children.

Daughters, please remember, the first woman in your husband's life was his mother.  That, you can not change, nor should you want to.  He is the person you married because of her.  He learned to love, work, protect, and provide from her.  

Yes, you should expect his priorities to shift after you are married, but don't make him give up his relationship with his mother.  So, striking a healthy balance early on is imperative.

"It's Tradition"

When you marry, you bring two cultures into one family.  Just because you did things one way growing up, doesn't mean you have to continue to do things the same way.  Creating autonomy and customizing tradition is a top priority when you first get married.  Setting boundries with the inlaws must be done early on in order to establish your family.  And, don't play favorites.

Just Don't Be Petty

It's so easy to nit pick and develop grudges. The hardest thing I ever did was let my children go spend Christmas holidays with their dad.  But, I felt since I had them all year long, I would rather give up one week than the other 51.  

The first year was very difficult, but in the coming years, I actually looked forward to quiet time.  I could shop after holiday sales, enjoy alone time, catch up on reading or favorite TV movies, or just sit and eat bon bons if I wanted.

When the children came home, I made it a very special continuation of the holiday and into the new year.  Special circumstances demand special people making special plans in less than ideal situations.

 Griping and Nagging - It DON'T Work!

In the event you aren't on good terms with your mother-n-law, nagging the spouse won't do any good.  Ask your spouse to schedule a time to sit and discuss things in a positve, rational, and controlled environment.  Never try to discuss anything right after work, when you are tired, just before bed, during times with interruptions such as TV or children, or when you are sick or hungry. 

Give each other the time to completely express a thought before responding.  Don't critize, interrupt, slam, or argue.  Rephrase to determine the correct interpretation of what was said. Think before you speak. Use a calm voice, with positive verbage.  Keep a list of topics to discuss.  (I wouldn't try to tackle 15 things at a time, but listing things you want to say would help you remember.)  And, using an egg timer can help with time limits to ensure equal time to speak and respond. 

One night might be scheduled to express the complaint, allowing a full day for reflection, and the following evening for responses.   Find a system for positive communication and use it as a tool for growing your relationship.  It's a key to a successful marriage.

Case in point.  NanaJan was a wonderful decorator, and had an eye for detail.  After a few years of mentoring on her part, I was developing my own style.  However, each time she visited, she would rearrange things and it begain to get on my nerves.  After discussing this with my husband, he frankly said, that was who she was, and she wouldn't change.  

So, I just changed my attitude.  We would discuss the why's things needed to be where they were, and make some adjustments. If I didn't like her suggestions, I would just put it back after she left.  It made her happy, made my husband happy because he wasn't caught in the middle, and kept my blood pressure down.  Pick your battles! Simple as that. 

Harmonious Living

You may never have a great relationship with your in laws,  or even a good one.  If you can honestly say you put your best foot forward, offered respect even if it wasn't returned, communicated positively instead of being rude and argumentative, and be consistant with your efforts, you will feel better about yourself even if you don't feel better about your relationship.  A positive attitude is like a ray of sunshine, and one day, it may break through those gray clouds.

Good luck, and God Bless. 

Stay Home Mom vs Working Mom

Recent, in the news, concerns over the decision of Ann Romney to care for her family within the home as opposed to being a working mom has been the topic of discussion.

Sitting in my 12th grade English Class at Jefferson Davis High School in Montgomery, AL, my career counselor asked the question, "What do you want to do when you graduate?"  I told her I wanted to be a wife and a mother.  Perhaps that left her speechless because I remember little of anything else.  However, having no prospects at the time, my Dad decided I needed to go to nursing school because it would be a good profession for a science minded, single young woman. 

As a Christian in the Southern Baptist Faith, my life and decisions are based/made upon that foundation.  The foundation that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, born to a virgin, lived a sinless life and died on the cross as an atonement for the sins of mankind. And, whosoever accepts that can have an eternal life in heaven.  This is MY belief.

Every person is uniquely individual with their own beliefs.  No one is perfect, no one is the same, and everyone does things based on what they think is right.  Although, many choose to do wrong, and even that is an individual decision.

Ann Romney is of the Latter Days Saints/Morman Faith.  She and her husband decided early in their marriage that staying home and raising their five sons was her contribution to the home, and society.  Being a mother is no laughing matter, nor is it an easy task especially to five sons.  I know, I have three sons myself.

Making men out of boys is more than watching children grow up.  Virtue, honesty, courtesy, integrity, and responsibility, to name a few, are not things that can be learned on the street, unless it is through some intervention program.  Nor is it something that they "pick up" on their own.  These are character traits that must be instilled, developed, and honed to make reputable future leaders of family and society.

Even King David, the author of Psalms, recognized the important role a woman has to her home, and to her children when he wrote:

He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the LORD.  Psalms 113:9 (biblegateway.com)

Raising a family in a one income home is difficult.  Unless Mitt Romney was independently wealthy through inheritance, it was his drive to provide for his family that made him a wealthy man.  And, more than likely, there were sacrifices along the way in order for his wife to stay at home, and care for the home and family.

Education is a key factor in the ability to earn money.  Education provides a greater chance of obtaining higher paying jobs.  And, remembering that education is a lifelong journey, increasing your marketability through education should be top priority. 

Working moms are born, and made.  Some women are naturally born, professional women who NEED to work outside the home.  My mother, and sister are two of those women.  They would go nuts having to stay at home all day.  I, on the other hand, am a "made" working mom.  I HAD to work to support my sons.  Only on occasion have I been afforded the luxury of being a stay-at-home mom. 

Many women squander the time spent at home by watching soap operas, leaving dishes in the sink, not having meals prepared for their husbands when they return from work, and ignoring the children.  These are the women who give stay-at-home moms a bad reputation.

Too, in today's society, the idea of Mr. Mom has become a trend.  Dads raising children is more common.  Women who have a good career, and make significant money often choose to continue to work while the husband tends to the home, and children.  If it works, it is a good thing.

Working moms, whether by choice or by force, have to learn to juggle their homes, family, and career.  It takes a superwoman to be a supermom; something many women have a tough time doing.  Sometimes it takes an emotional toll on all involved.  And, husbands are asked to take a more active role in house hold duties, and childcare.  If it works, it is a good thing.

Some working moms have no support system at all to aid in child rearing and house hold duties.  I truly feel for these women.  Latchkey children are often left without supervision, and day cares are assembly line substitutes for attention, direction, and affection.  Granted there are some wonderful preschool learning programs available, but you get what you pay for.  Day care is expensive but, if it works, it is a good thing.

Problems do arise when the already heavily taxed welfare system is burdened with the extra expense of more children to feed due to the lack of family planning.  It is a great concern for the tax payers of this country.   This program should be viewed as a temporary solution to a temporary problem, not a lifestyle.  And, I have worked two jobs, rarely seeing my children, in order to survive.

So, the battle between stay-at-home moms versus working moms will be an ongoing topic of discussion.  And, it is my hope, my readers will take away from this message that the decision to be one or the other is a personal decision, and shouldn't be judged by anyone except those personally involved.

Bunny gets killed at his own press conference

Recently, a teeny tiny bunny bound for a petting zoo was introduced at a press conference.  The bunny was unusual because it was an ear-less bunny.  It could hear, but didn't have the long, floppy ears that bunnies typically have.

Somehow, the teeny tiny bunny ended up in the floor, and just as the camera man stepped back to get it into view, the bunny ended up under his foot as he stepped down, and was killed.  A vet said, the bunny was killed instantly, but it still would have hurt.  Can you imagine the horror of the cameraman, and those in attendance?

My question is how did the bunny end up on the floor?  And, why wasn't there a definitive space for attendees in case something like this happened? 

Bittersweet Memories: The Loss of Whitney Houston

Ever since I heard the news that Whitney Houston died, I have been so upset that I've had her continually on my mind. She was my favorite vocalist since I first heard, "I wanna dance with somebody" way back in the 80's.

What a blessed lady she was to have received such a wonderful voice.  I've followed People.com, watched countless tributes, and replayed her movies just mesmerized by the voice, beauty, and talent this woman possessed.

I knew she was started singing in church, but didn't know the extent of her religious upbringing.  It appears the Houston family was faith based at its roots, and Whitney was afforded a strong, Christian upbringing.  But, then again, so was Brad Pitt, but look where he is with regards to his religious beliefs.

It wasn't until I tuned in to the last interview with Oprah Winfrey that I found peace with myself, that, indeed, Whitney Houston was a child of God, and is now resting in heaven with God the Father, Jesus, His Son, and our Savior! 

She explained in her interview that her mother was instrumental in bringing about the reconciliation within her self that she needed to leave the destructive marriage with Bobby Brown.  According to Whitney, her mother went into her Atlanta home with sheriff's deputies, and a court order that mandated she leave that house, and enter a rehab facility.  Whitney explained that her mother told her she wasn't raised "that way," and her mother wouldn't sit back and allow Whitney to destroy herself.

Praise God, Cissy Houston fought for her daughter.  Just as Whitney and her daughter, Bobbi Kristina fought to get through it.

Whitney shared her faith with Oprah, and how much she loved God, and how important He was in her life.  Too bad, that Satan has used her weaknesses and strongholds to destroy her, and steal her from us way too young.  However, Glory to God, Whitney is in the All Saints Choir, singing in perfection.  Can you just imagine?!

My prayers are that no drugs will be found, and this is a case of alcohol poisoning, and/or drowning.  I know that may sound horrid, morbid, whatever, but it would beat knowing that Satan over came, and she was using drugs again.

My prayers are being sent on behalf of the Houston family, that God's blessing of comfort for those who mourn, as he promised, would rain down, and embrace them in their sorrow.

My prayers are for Bobby, and Bobbi, and his other children that they, too, may know the Joy of the Lord, experience the gift of salvation, and enable them to beat the drug habit, or stay out of it.

And, finally, my prayer is that we use each day wisely, and recognize that life is a gift, and with that gift comes the ultimate sacrifice for the reconciliation of man to God through the death, burial, and resurrection, of Jesus, God's Son, and our Savior!  That gift can be yours, you just reach out and take hold of it.

As time goes by...

Living life to the fullest, and looking forward to our future are sometimes dampened by the pull of the bittersweet past.  How sweet it was.

by Carolyn Roberson, Feb 1, 2012

Call me naïve, simplistic, backward, whatever you want, but I really miss yesteryear.  Bittersweet memories of times gone by flood my head, and heart with so much emotion I swell to tears at times.

The television program, “The Waltons,” is one of my favorites.  A life time progresses as I watch each re-run while the family deals with sickness, love, life lessons, loss of a loved one, growing up, growing old, and moving away from the mountain.  Yet, I can turn back time, and watch it all over again. 

Life does not imitate art in this instance.  We cannot turn back the calendar.  We are given but one life.  How we live that life is up to each of us.  Granted we have certain societal rules, cultural guidelines, and government keeping us in the general flow of things, but living in the land of the free, we can choose how we live.

For most of us, life is good, and easy compared to the harsh times our ancestors faced.  Growing a garden, and hunting for wild game is as easy as shopping at your local grocery store.  Yet, our forefathers toiled for the luxury of eating.  Although, these days, it’s getting much harder to keep the pantry stocked because of the economy.

Tanner Farm

My daddy was from a large family although he only had one brother.  His mother; however, was one of seven living siblings: Bud, Sarah, Lillie (my grandmother), Gene, Nettie, Sally, Ed, and another who died as a young child.

Little Granny, as we called her, was about five foot tall, and Harrison, her husband, my great grandfather, was pushing seven foot.  Little Granny dipped snuff, and could be seen with a snuff ring around her mouth at any time. 

Most early Easters were spent on the farm.  Everyone’s families gathered outside the small, square, four-room house around tables, play pens, cars, and strategically far enough away from the outhouse to not notice.

The egg hunt was in the cow pasture, and one year Aunt Nettie sat in a cow patty.  Those were such sweet times, ones I cherish in my memory, and fortunately on 8mm tape, which I have converted to disc.

Rotation

After Harrison and Granny Tanner died, our family started rotating holidays between my mother’s and daddy’s brothers’ houses and our house. 

Thanksgiving was at our house because we had a huge, country table with benches and extensions.  It sat 23 people once when all of the leaves where in place, and the benches and matching chairs were brought in.

Easter was at Momma’s brother’s house because he had land, and a pond.  Uncle Wayne’s place was a great place for the egg hunt. 

My great grandfather on my mother’s side, Ellis, loved to fish in that pond.  But, he wouldn’t go if the cows were lying down because the fish weren’t biting.

Christmas was at Daddy’s brother’s house:  Uncle Bob, and Aunt Clara.

Once I spent the night with my Aunt Clara before Christmas and she decided we would make popcorn balls.  She had never made them before.  We popped the corn, and added the corn syrup, and had a sticky, gooey mess.  My Uncle Bob had to rescue us and explained the syrup had to be at hard boil stage to make the popcorn balls.  By the time we were finished, we were too tired to eat them.

This arrangement went on for years until my Daddy passed away, and Uncle Wayne sold his land.  Aunt Clara still hosts Christmas and we all have a standing invitation.  And, Uncle Wayne has a different place, with lots of land where we can go have bonfires, cook outs, ride horses, and play softball together. 

My Family

I had a very loving family.  My parents were strict, demanded excellence, and were ethical with high moral standards.  This balanced out with tolerance, attention and love.  We also were afforded a rich, Christian heritage founded in Southern Baptist belief.

Momma, and Daddy both worked for the city in the Police, and Fire Departments.   They each retired, and went on to work other jobs.  Momma actually was able to retire a second time from the county. Daddy was a drill instructor in the Air Force before I was born, so you might imagine how our house was run!

Momma Louise

Momma Louise was my babysitter.  An ENTIRE blog can be written about Momma Louise.  You can come back later and read a blog dedicated to Momma Lou.   But I will say this much, I had the most incredible, and magical childhood any child could ever wish for much less realize!

This woman was super woman.  She had to be because she cared for her four children, me, and my two siblings, and, a lot of times, her niece and nephew.  Nine children, that is a small herd!

Yesteryear

Living in yesteryear is not a great place to hide out.  But visiting these sweet memories is so much fun.  Time marches forward, and now I’m making memories with three sons of my own, and my super sweet niece. 

I’ll close this post with a verse that has become dear to my heart and is a good reminder for the day.

1 Thessalonians 4:11 …Aspire to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your own hands

It kind of fits into what I’ve been talking about.  Don’t cha think?!

Rest in Peace, RIP

A philosophical rant by a shallow mind trying to dig deeper into life issues, to grow in knowledge and understanding, and express my opinion.

By Carolyn Roberson - Tuesday 30 Aug 2011

The loss of a family member or friend is, more often than not, a traumatic, and sometimes, life changing event. How we deal with that loss is uniquely individual. Over and over we see “RIP” or “May you Rest in Peace” posted on Facebook accounts, or on online condolence pages. But what is it to rest in peace?

Merriam Webster has six definitions for the word rest. Initially, one would think rest would mean to cease from labor, which is a correct definition. Other definitions are to lay in a state of death, and a cessation of bodily function. However, for this article it means peace of mind or peace of the spirit.

According to Judeo-Christian beliefs, upon death, the soul is either transported to heaven or hell depending on the acceptance of atonement provided by Jesus Christ, God’s Son, and designated Savior of mankind. Islam adheres to a similar heaven/hell belief. Buddhist and Hindu doctrine recycles life until all desire is abolished, and a state of nirvana is achieved at which point the soul fades into nothingness. Then, there are atheists, and agnostics. A theologian, I am not: I’m just someone who likes to think.

Based on the definition of rest coupled with various beliefs, there isn’t much resting in life after death. Should you choose to be a resident of eternal flames, and damnation, there will NOT be any resting at all, just utter torment for all of eternity. If your soul fades into nothingness, there will be no resting because there is nothing to rest. Recycling life by becoming another will only give you another life to live with problems, trials, and temptations; perhaps even in a location far worse than were you were in a previous lifetime. However, should you choose to follow the narrow path to heaven, there will be rest for the soul.

So, the next time you want to RIP someone, think about how shallow it is, and actually think of something to express a sincere condolence, as if my opinion really matters.